


Double-Decker Sandwich with a Side of Man Chowder

by wowbright



Series: Glee Season 6 Episode Reactions [12]
Category: Glee
Genre: Anal Sex, CaesarVonBrutus, Crack, Double Penetration, Double Penetration in Two Holes, Episode: s06e07 Transitioning, F/M, Fellatio, Group Sex, Het and Slash, I can't believe I'm posting this to AO3, M/M, Multi, Offensive and not even tastefully so, Oral Sex, Triple Penetration, double-decker sex sandwich, heteroflexible, sad blaine, vaginal teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-30 02:37:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5147180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowbright/pseuds/wowbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt-Rachel midgame double date group sex, because why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double-Decker Sandwich with a Side of Man Chowder

**Author's Note:**

> The friend half-responsible for this atrocity doesn't have an AO3 account. They said to call them CaesarVonBrutus.

_The person who lets me watch Glee on their TV says I should write an episode reaction porn fic that goes like this:_

Kurt, Walter, Rachel and Sam have such an awesome time on their double date that they decide to go back to (someone)’s place and make a double-decker sex sandwich. Even though two of them are gay and two of them are straight, it’s not a big deal figuring out whose what goes where because Sam is heteroflexible and as long as you’re making out with the right face, no one cares who, exactly, is making their nether-regions tingle.

(“And a butthole’s a butthole. Don’t forget to mention that,” my friend says.)

After the double-decker sex sandwich, it’s time for Rachel Berry double-penetration. 

(“But wait!” I say. “She has three holes! She can use  _all_  of them! Damn, I need to write more porn with women in it! So many awesome holes!”)

(“All I care about,” says my friend, “is that the biggest dick goes in someone’s ass.”)

(“Well, that’s clearly Kurt’s,” I say, “so –”)

Sam is on his back, and Rachel’s riding him. Kurt has a huge dick, so it goes up Rachel’s butt – partly because Sam’s butt is inaccessible from this angle, but also because we all know Rachel would totally do Kurt if she could, and also because for some reason Kurt fucking Rachel makes more sense to me than Kurt fucking Walter. Go figure, because Harry Hamlin’s got a pretty face, but you can’t fight the muse. 

While Kurt fucks Rachel from behind, he makes out with Walter’s face, and Rachel and Sam take turns licking and sucking on Walter’s dick until Rachel’s ass clenches so hard, it’s like it just bit Kurt’s dick off.

(“That’s horrible,” I say.)

(“No, no,” says my friend. “It’s a euphemism for orgasm. His dick is  _metaphorically_  being bit off.”)

(“That still sounds unpleasant.”)

(“Oh my god didn’t you learn anything in high school? John Donne? ‘Little death’? Violence and orgasm have a longstanding metaphorical relationship.”)

(“Well, maybe, but —”)

(“Also, give Rachel some vaginal teeth so Sam feels like his dick is getting bit off, too. Metaphorical vaginal teeth. Not literal ones.”)

(“I probably won’t be the first person to write that …”)

(“Stop acting so innocent! Aren’t you the person who told me about vaginal teeth?”)

(“I think I would remember if I told you about vaginal teeth.”)

(“Aren’t they a fanfiction .. what do you call them?”)

(“Tropes?”)

(“Yeah! Aren’t vaginal teeth a fanfiction trope or something?”)

(“Maybe?”)

Anyway, the point of all of this is that Rachel comes really hard, they all come really hard, so so so so hard, hard like a rock, like a pillar of steel, it’s petite mort and jizz showers and Arctic blasts and hot lava flows and gonadic goo and cream of some young guy everywhere.

(“What happens next?” I say. “How does the story end?”)

(“Well in normal porn,” my friend informs me, “that’s where it ends.”)

(“But what about the story arc? And character development?”)

(“Rachel got Kurt Hummel’s man mustard. Why would you need any development beyond that?”)

(I decide my friend has a point. So …)

____

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> CaesarVonBrutus' favorite tumblr comment on this story was from redheadgleek: "And is that Blaine staring morosely through the window?" 
> 
> CaesarVonBrutus then said I should write a sequel in which Blaine, overcome by mixed feelings of jealousy and arousal but mostly arousal, masturbates furiously and has the hardest orgasm of his life. The next morning (someone) looks out the window and says to the other three, "How'd yogurt get on the glass?"


End file.
